I remember our first Halloween with our daughter. She was about 10 months old, and we dressed her up as a fuzzy, purple monster and took her trick-or-treating with her older cousins.
We probably did a few dozen houses, but as parents it was memory making.
In the years passed we have had to balance newborns, pumpkin painted pregnant tummies, and arm wrestling over who stayed home and handed out candy and who had to trek the hilly streets in the rain.
When we moved to our island, Halloween took on a whole other form. It was a family event, held in 3 of the tighter packed communities for ease. The streets go all out with bonfires, creative decor, and friends and neighbours all gather.
Our first year it was part of what sold us on staying.
After that, the memories of watching the kids race from house to house, being left behind by their friends, or crying from fatigue faded. Suddenly Halloween was an event we loved, filled with anticipation.
Except, this year, I think I have been dumped.
My daughter, almost 12, has been trying to test the waters of how to bring it up. She is telling me about how her friends are creating “plans”, and how this Halloween is going to be the best yet.
As a needy mother I keep saying “Cool, I can’t wait to hear about what we are doing” and how “every event with your family is special”
She gives me the awkward side eye and walks away.
I know it is becoming THAT time where she wants to wander the streets on her own in the dark of night, asking strangers for sweets… and I know SHE is ready for it, and how much fun SHE will have traipsing about with her girlfriends.
But what about me?
For 11 Halloweens I have painted her face and struggled to make up a costume that wouldn’t embarrass her too much. I have dealt with the tummy aches, and cold fingers and toys, had to comfort her after a bad candy trade with an older neighbour, and have taken nothing but my parent tax of 12% of her collection (plus all wunderbars) It’s not fair that she ditches me now.
This is the age where I stomp my feet saying “I don’t WANT things to change”. We had one year where everyone was independent, but still a family unit. Where the kids were old enough, but not too old.
One. Single. Year.
And now, the leaving of the nest begins. Our first break, and on Halloween.
I get a bit sad, imagining us all arriving, ready to trick-or-treat. Then my daughter, as she runs off to greet her friends, her siblings and parents left behind to walk at the 6 year olds pace, feeling the loss of our big girl, our eldest.
I know we will cross paths on the streets, she will be giggling with her friends, excited that a group of boys joined them, happy and feeling loved.
And I hope I will remember the first year I solo trick-or-treated, feeling so much the grown up, knowing that my dad wasn’t waiting at the end of the driveway, and that I was taking this first step, on my own. While I want to hold her tight and keep things just-as-they-are-right-now-with-nothing-ever-changing, I know that isn’t going to happen. So all I can do, is let her go, whether it is out on Halloween, or off to the ball with some dude named Chris.
One question though that concerns me… do I still get to apply the parent candy tax to her treats? Or is that done too?