I think we all have a little dribble of addictive personality in our soul. I know I do.  I tend to fall into patterns, routinely. Some of these patterns are positive, my regular gym visits, time in the veggie garden, sleep. Others are not so great, another glass of wine while making dinner on yet another tuesday, “chips” and sometimes, my work.

5 years ago my company didn’t exist. It wasn’t even a glimmer in my eye. It was nothing. Not an idea, not a thought, not a note on a piece of scrap paper.  5 years ago I didn’t even know this community existed on the internet, I didn’t have any idea of the potential.

4 years ago I did.  I was scrambling to see what I could do so we could stay in the life we had risked everything to live.  I was trying everything, anything, and exploring everyone.

3 years ago I had a foundation of something.  I still wasn’t sure what it would become, but for the time being we were surviving.  In fact, 3 years ago we were just on an upswing. We had finally moved into our “now” home after a year of paying a mortgage and rent, and we were finally getting our financial feet under us after 18 months of transition and rebirth.

2 years ago I was leaping again.  Challenging myself, making broad statements about goals, investing and risking stability in the hopes of growth.

1 year ago I was testing the waters with a new structure, increased hard costs,  but I had a stable business behind me to base all of these risks on.  The risks, while there, weren’t great.

And now.

Now I am reminding myself of what I have learned in the last 5 years, not because I want to, but because I need to.

I have always believed that life should be easy. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t hard times, and difficult decisions, but I do believe that once we choose a direction, if it is the right one our path is clear ahead of us.  It is when we choose the wrong direction (or less right direction) that we come upon obstacle after obstacle, the universe doing its best to block our path.

And I also believe that when we don’t listen to the nudges and taps, that they become kicks and body slams.

2 weeks ago I wasn’t listening.

Today I am.

I was forcing myself down a path I should’t have been on.  I was ignoring all the (and yes I will use quotation marks for those of you with sensitivities) “signs” that I was getting, and I was pushing forward, DESPITE what I knew.

And then I was body slammed.

I spent a full week in bed with the flu. Not a big deal.  Everyone gets the flu.

But now I am on week 2, and my body is still tired and ill.  I am being forced to a new path, the one I should have kept to in the first place.

See, the one thing I needed to remind myself about was that over the past 5 years I have trusted my instincts.  I do know what I am doing, and I do know how to run a company and live a life.    That I do not WANT to sacrifice one for the other, and that I want to be present in my actions in both.

That I don’t NEED to either.

So, I lie in bed, and I remind myself of my origin story, and I dig my fingers deep into my reasons, and my risks, and I am reminded of my strengths and my successes and I find my peace.

And I want to manage my compulsion for more, better and NOW, and just sit back and enjoy what I have built.  If even for a moment.

Don’t forget what you have learned friends.  Don’t lose site of the journey you travelled, and the experiences you have had.  As humans we often need reminding that we have learned this already, that we know the outcome and the answer… so today, I want to remind you.

You know how to do this, trust yourself, trust your instincts and your actions.  You know how to achieve what you want, and you need to keep focus on that goal.
And also, remember what YOU want, your dream, because really that is the most important reason for being here.