I was back on my little island for all of 4 days between trips. Definitively not enough time to find my feet again, catch up on emails, or get my relationship with my hubby back on the steamy meter.
Hubby breezed in after 10pm Thursday night, and I stumbled out at 530am, with our eldest in tow, the next morning.
Kiddo and I hit the city for 930am, the rainy, rainy city. As we exited the ferry she shouts out “Look a stoplight” (seriously kid, we have only been away from the city for 3 months!) but it was exciting none the less.
We filled the day with errands and chaos (hard to find pants to fit her on SS) and completed the Halloween costume!
When we were back in our old hood I looked over and noticed she had a blush creeping up. I know I felt a little weird being back in the town we had turned our backs on and was concerned she felt it too. No prodding or questioning would get her to admit she was anxious or uncomfortable (damn stubborn kid) so I let it go. (what a good mom eh!)
I had secretly arrange to have a little friend meet us for lunch and it wasn’t until my daughter saw her (and screamed) that I knew her return would be just fine. A giggle filled lunch and then heading to her old school to meet up with her other friends left her a ball of excitement. As she squealed in delight and being back with her gaggle of girlfriends, I was able to play catch up with all the awesome mommy-friends.
And, despite my fears (always fear, damn it!) of returning to the scene of our old life, it was ok. See, I am different now. I have healed from the past (not that it was devastating or anything) but I have let it go, absolved the guilt and moved on.
So, returning to our old world was ok. Because it wasn’t our world anymore. Driving on our old street, by our old house, past everything I saw every day, well, it was all ok, because it wasn’t mine anymore. I know I am not here to live “OK”, but that is a heck of a lot better than fear filled, and uncomfortable!
I left my daughter in the care of her best friend and family as I took of for the city and a weekend of conference fun. I left her smiling, and I left smiling as well.
Everything is good.
We CAN have both worlds, and we can love the past, and cherish the present and embrace the future!
and because we now know that, we will.