It is 40 days until the big FOUR-OH for me. Turning forty is both terrifying and kind of awesome.
Terrifying because OMG I will be FOURTY! Another year older, and another DECADE done.
But, totally awesome for so many other reasons.
For the first time since I was probably an infant, I have nothing to prove. I “yam what I yam” and there aint nothing wrong with that.
For the first time since I was an idiotic teen, I am confident in myself, but this time for good reason. I have worked very hard at a wide range of things for a good long chunk of time, and during that time I actually LEARNED Stuff. I am confident in what I know, and what I do, and that feels fabulous.
For the first time ever I am not stressed about money. From the days when I was scouting under the couch cushions for a quarter for the candy store, to the year we had to choose between milk and diapers when we had our first child, I am not poor. Nor am I rich, but I have enough and I am secure that throughout the future ups and downs, there will continue to be enough.
For the first time in my life I am okay being 10lbs over my “Ideal” weight. It has been a lazy, beer and wine filled year, and that’s ok. Soon I will have a routine back (after this crazy move) and the pounds will start to diminish. Until then, whatever: pass me another slice of cake.
And for the first time, I am fully happy. There is nothing I am longing for, I have everything I want and need, and I trust that any changes that I choose to make will happen. Life is getting better day by day, and I am passionately excited about enjoying the next decade ahead.
My forties.
My kids will be in school (all of them!!) and we will have a little more freedom each passing year. I am okay with drinking boxed wine, instead of the fancy bottled stuff. I know what I am good at, and I know what I want to learn. I am okay saying no, and know when I need to say yes.
My thirties were hard. We had so much change, and growth and struggle, and now, moving into this next decade I finally feel like all those decisions are coming together into something wonderful.
I have never been better, even though that wrinkle between my eyebrows is getting more pronounced and the grey “highlights” are a little more frequent.
I have never felt better being me, and if that is a hint of the next 10 years, then bring it on! Forty, I will welcome you.
I am going to spend the next forty days thinking of the last forty years and appreciating every lesson learned and opportunity taken. I am going to be grateful for who I am, and where I am and thank myself for getting me here.
And then, I will celebrate.
Not sure how yet, but I am pretty sure I will love it and it will fill my soul.