I need to be honest with you.  Over these last few years, I wasn’t actually sure if things would work out.

I was never certain. Neither was hubby.

4 years ago we were really unhappy. Things were falling apart for us. Friendships were souring, our kids were getting anxious, money was tight, the kids got lice.

Life sucked.

It wasn’t a surprise really, things were on a downward trend.  We had tried to find solutions to our challenges before, but nothing seemed to fit.

But we felt we needed to suck it up and just embrace what we had.

But, as you now know, things didn’t get better, they got worse.  We had three kids, a mortgage and a BOAT load of stress and anxiety.  We didn’t know what we could do to “fix” it.

Looking back now I realize it didn’t need to be fixed. It needed to be trashed.

Sometimes when we start projects, we do it wrong.  The chair you are reupholstering just doesn’t work with that fabric, or the dinner you were making that just didn’t turn out.

Sometimes adding a bit of gold paint, or some extra pepper won’t fix the problem.

Sometimes you just need to toss it out, or strip it down and start again.

That is what we needed to do, and thankfully, ended up doing.  We realized that all the pieces of our life we thought we wanted to keep didn’t work together as a whole.  It didn’t mesh.

So we tossed it out, and brought it all back to the bare bones. We chose our fabric much more carefully this time, not worrying about what was in style, or listening to the suggestions of others.  We chose what we loved, what felt good under our fingers, and what we thought would fit into our life.

We didn’t want to worry about messy fingers on our fabric, and we wanted that chair to be comfortable.

(I know I am now comparing changing my life to reupholstering a chair. . . but it does kind of fit.)

The strange thing that happened through this process is that we did end up happy.  We ended up with something we couldn’t have PLANNED if we had tried, just by letting go of the planning, and the researching and following our instinct.

We stopped talking, and started listening to what our hearts wanted. We stopped over thinking, we let go of worrying and we (somehow) found a way to trust that it would work out.

And, much like pregnancy and labour, we know longer recall the pain, stress, fear and frustration that we experienced getting here.

Now we are in that moment of bliss, when we realized that the hard work DID pay off. The risks, the totally crazy leaps of faith.

Hubby and I sat in the garden yesterday and I asked him if he was happy.  He replied “yes, very” and then we talked about how we never knew what happy really was. We never knew that THIS life we are in right now was what we needed.

And knowing that helps us let go of all the other stuff. All the failures in the past, all the storms we experienced, and just embrace the calm sea we have now.

And what a strange feeling to have. Actual contentment.  Aside of all the normal, every day things that everyone needs to worry about, we have found a place of peace within us to accept that what we need will be provided (through hard work of course) and that, through some miracle, we find ourselves in this amazing moment of life.

The kids, playing for hours outside, exploring our acreage and enjoying the animals.  The girls, bonding together as they share rooms on another floor. The space that we so desperately craved being just the right amount. And the light, sunshine pouring into the windows and the sky, framing our view every time we look outside.

And when I tell you I didn’t know if it would work out, I mean it. I am amazed. I don’t know how we got here, but I am certainly not going to question it.

Instead I will be thankful for having had the courage to do it, and explore my options.  I will continue to work hard so that I deserve what the life I have, and I will laugh . . . a lot.

And then this weekend, as hubby and I roll up our sleeves again and continue to work on our life, we will take a moment to be happy, wipe the sweat from our forehead and keep digging, planting and setting our roots in this new life.