Day 1:
I had big plans for today. As the first day of summer break, and after weeks of drilling into the kids the ROUTINE, I was confident it would all come together. The plan was that I would spend those early summer mornings working, and then, at noon, we would head out on an adventure. Beaches, forests and fun awaited us, but only after NOON.
By 830am the requests for feeding were coming in strong and steady, as was the arguing. Fights over who sits where, who looks at who and WHY NO ONE FED THE DOGS YET.
I rallied back, not with patience but with anger and frustration.
We had gone OVER THIS, again and again. They knew the plan, so why weren’t they sticking to it?
Day 1: Noon
They weren’t sticking to the plan because they were children, and I knew that. So why was I letting it consume me?
I was frustrated that because mom “works from home” it means mom gets to multi task. I was frustrated because at this point in time, looking at the children I had raised, I was disappointed in them. I was frustrated because they are better than they acted this morning, much better.
So, I went back to the oldest of the bad parenting techniques, and the one that always worked on me: guilt.
I told them how disappointed I was. I went through all the things that had been done that morning, by ME, while they lounged in bed or whined from the couch. I detailed every argument, and every moment that made me shudder. I raked them over the coals, and then back again.
And then I took them to the beach, and I slowly, let the anger fizzle out of me.
They swam and played, and we had a picnic. Then we got ice cream.
And then we came home and made a plan.
We made a list of all the things that need to happen every single morning to “sustain life” on our farm. Chickens needing food and water, goats needing milking. We went through the pantry and the fridge and noted down ideas for breakfasts, and picnics. We encouraged them to work together to find other ways they could help.
And then we had a dance party.
And mommy had a beer. And I thought….
Overall my children are wonderful. They contribute to our farm, and work with us as a team to get things done. But sometimes my kids are also jerks. They are demanding and petty, lazy and irritable.
They are human.
And much like me, sometimes they need coaxing to find THEIR balance. The place between being a slave to the property, and a thorn in moms side. They need to feel empowered to contribute and recognized, when they do. They need to be respected, and from that respect will come confidence.
But as a human, I ALSO need to feel this way, and to be able to communicate to them when we end up down the river without a paddle. When I am struggling, I want to know that they have the ability to reduce my struggle. As a team, this isn’t all on me, or all on my husband. As a team, we do this together, through the good and the bad.
Day 1: Night
I went to bed early, very early. I submitted to the sheets and let myself catch my breath.
Day 2: EARLY Morning
The smallest child woke me up complaining that he was SURE everyone else finished the cinnamon buns.
It was 615am.
It was a bad start.
Day 2: Morning
I made coffee. I went to do the animals. I milked the goat. I drank my coffee while the smallest child yelled from his room… I think it was still about the cinnamon buns, but I’m not sure.
I took a lot of deep breaths.
The other children woke up, and my husband, filled with angst and guilt about leaving, and after having “talked to” the small one, left for work.
I drank my coffee, and I left them to it. If they called for me, I didn’t respond. Eventually they came to me. I reminded them about the list on the fridge. One child said they were bored… my look said it all.
It is 830 in the morning, we have been up for over 2 hours, and the house is currently quiet.
I may survive this summer. It won’t be pretty, and I may come through the other side looking a bit beaten and rough around the edges, but I think I will survive.
The kids may not, but I am pretty sure I will.
(just kidding. my kids will survive…….. they aren’t THAT bad)