Turning 40 was kind of a big deal for me, although looking back, it was all emotional. It was hard getting “Older” and coming to terms with that number was a big deal.
But, 2 and a half years in, the number isn’t really an issue.
The “ghost of hormones past” is keeping me too busy to even THINK about what age I am.
It seemed like when I hit 42 my body decided to slam me with every single PMS symptom I have ever had in my life. I got to revisit the days of acne breakouts, and was thrown back to my teenage years when I would lie in bed bemoaning my existence.
Cramps, fatigue, tears, all of it came on a rhythmic rotation every 28 days.
Or sometimes every 21… that was a symptom of my 20’s, bless my body.
And then the anger hit. A white hot, burning anger. Uncontrollable aggression that would flare up in me with no warning.
I suppose this is what pre-menopause is; a re-visitation of those menstrual memories from my life.
But through it all, there is a tiny part of me that appreciates that monthly visit. While I have no interest in “child bearing” this foolishly makes me think that I am still fertile. It makes me FEEL my youth in a way like know other.
And as a grown up, it allows me to be more comfortable with my body, and be able to share things like this:
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