I had a conversation with someone today about “ALL THIS”
” all this” being my life, currently, as I know it. About the HOW we got here, WHY we did it and how on earth did we find the courage TO do it.
I reminisced on the phone for almost an hour, tracing our adventure from the beginning to present day. It made me remember who I was, and get even more comfortable with who I am now.
And it made me exhale that (so far) it is all working out, because the truth is, we didn’t know if it would.
We start almost 2 years ago, April 28 2012. Our rock bottom point. We took the leap, put the house up for sale and pretty much shut out all but the most important people in our life.
We cleared our plate completely. Jobs were ditched, house was sold and we were off to a new adventure on Saltspring Island.
So, how did we have the courage to do it?
It came down to us not having it in us to not try anymore. We thought, worse case scenario, we end up on my parents couch. Best case. . . it works out (whatever that means)
We didn’t know ANYTHING. We didn’t know if we would like Saltspring, if we could find work, if the kids would settle in. We didn’t know if we could buy a house (or find a house we liked). We didn’t know if it would ruin our family, or strengthen it.
And almost two years later, I now know a little more.
I know that we are stronger than we look. I know that when we are able to push out the doubts and fears, and trust our instincts, that things work out. I know that we are getting closer each day to the life we couldn’t even imagine. I know that the current result is better than we ever thought possible.
I know that some of our bad baits are hard to break, but worthwhile of being broken. I know that it is hard to shut out the influences of the world, but being removed from them helps. I know that the things that matter always return. . . and the things that don’t, well they just kind of disappear.
I am reminded today of how unhappy we were. Part of that was where we were, but a bigger part is that at that place and time in our life, neither hubby or I felt independent. We didn’t feel like we could be ourselves, with no judgment on who we were.
We started this journey to find “happiness” What we ended up with was so much more. We ended up finding more about who we were, and the consistent stream of courage in ourselves to continue being US, without distraction.
And that, in the end, is what we needed to be happy. Life will never be perfect, but it can be filled with more good than bad, more time than chaos and more peace than distraction.
Oh, and chickens . . . because really, chickens make everyone happy.