I am a briber. And I came from a family of bribers. I was raised by bribers, to be a briber, and honestly, I think it works.
Of course, when I look at how the dictionary explains it… it takes kind of a dark turn.
If we take out the line “typically illegally or dishonestly” I think we can all agree that bribery CAN be a useful tool in parenting. So, here are my tips on how to bribe your kids.
How to Bribe Your Kids.
- Find their weakness.
There is something that has value to EACH person, and to truly understand how to effectively bribe your kids you need to know what this is. Offering a bribe that has no personal value will not get you the results you want.
Ex: For years we have been trying to bribe our son. Well, before bribing we did actually try parenting, but each time we failed extraordinarily. We would do what the parenting books said and walk him back to his bed each night (twelve times) until we were so tired we wouldn’t even wake up when he came into snuggle.
THEN we found his kryptonite. Yu-Gi-O cards. Silly packs of cards that are worth about .25c each. On our first night we said “sleep through the night in your bed and one card is yours in the morning” and BOOM… full nights sleep.
Now we use these cards for general bribery and rewards throughout our day. Eat this weird vegetable, and you get a card. Clean your room: card. Wash the dog: card.
Success.
- Know when and HOW to use it.
Bribery should only be pulled out when it is NEEDED. When I was 7 years old, and after a summer of “trying” to waterski my parents pulled out the big guns. They said if I could successfully waterski before we went home to the city for the school year, I would get a hamster.
It was the incentive I needed. A little hamster at that time was only about $25 (cage included) but had they told me that I would get the cash, it wouldn’t have spurned me into action. It was the item that was value, and the opportunity that I could get something that had been on my WANTS list for years.
Needless to say, I skied, and this one hamster started off 10 years of rodents! (I won big that day)
So this summer, I bribed MY kids with the same offer. Ski, and the hamster is yours. Same story, although different results, as my kids weren’t able to complete their challenge. Given enough time though, they would have, and the experience of them trying was epic!
- Always deliver on the bribe.
Always. If you make it, you deliver if they succeed. Even if you totally screwed up in making the bribe. I once bribed my kids with a bird. It was a bribe I TOTALLY regretted making and THANK GOODNESS they didn’t succeed, but had they, I would have delivered. Even if it meant 15 years taking care of a bird after they had moved out of the house.
Don’t offer something you can’t deliver. If there is a carrot you are dangling, and they get it, they keep it. Otherwise you are just a liar and a tease.
So, why do I think bribes are okay?
WOULD I wake up every morning and do my job if I wasn’t getting paid?
Would I REALLY want to go to the gym 4 days a week if it didn’t mean I could actually get my butt into my new jeans?
We all work and get reward from our efforts, sometimes it is in cash, other times it is in fresh veggies, weight loss, or holidays. Humans work for rewards, and although “bribes” sound terrible, they are just rewards for a task completed.
So yes. I bribe my kids, just like I was bribed as a child. And I will continue to do so… because it works.