This morning I woke up stressed, and I shouldn’t have.
The sun was bright and shining through my window as it rose over the trees, which meant I actually had a chance to sleep in later than my normal wake up time. My bed was warm and I could smell coffee brewing, but within seconds of my brain turning on, I was stressed to the point over overwhelm.
I had work to do, baking to do, and quality time that needed to be spent. There didn’t seem to be enough time in the day, or left before the holidays arrived, and too much to do.
I gave in to the feelings, and the stress and told myself “If I can just get this one thing done” I would feel better. But before even starting that thing, another 3 things landed on my plate.
My hubby was in the other room, feeling the exact same feelings, drowning in all the things, and all the need that people had for him.
The clock ticked over to 9am and he brought me a cup of coffee… stress on his face, and said “the farm needs to be woken”, both of us waiting for the other person to volunteer.
I close the computer, and said, “I’ve got this”, thinking to myself “yet another thing that HAS to be done”
I shrugged on my coat, struggled to get my cold feet into my boots, and slammed a hat on my head. My back was tense, my head hurt and I wasn’t have ANY fun at all.
Waking up the farm isn’t a challenging job, so as I went about opening coops, and filling water dishes my mind was on other things. I handed out carrot sticks to the rabbits, and tossed scratch to the hens, all the time wondering how I was going to solve the challenges ahead of me that day.
And then, I looked up, and I stopped thinking, just for one minute. I saw a row of fuzzy bums with the cold winter sunshine.
That one moment of quiet reminded me I have a lot to be grateful for, and that my stressed and problems and worries are only brought on by me. That this moment is not permanent, and that is both good and terrifying.
My peace didn’t come immediately, in fact, after I admired those fluffy little chicken bums, I stopped my way back to the house, spent 20 minutes spewing my stress on a phone call to a friend, shouted at the kids once, and fought my way through solving the problems that were on my plate.
But, eventually I DID find my peace, and I was able to grasp that moment that I needed and I made myself present and forced myself to breathe.
I realized that all of THIS is here because I chose it to be. I welcomed it, wanted it and brought it into my life. I reminded myself that even I need to stop sometimes, and that I HAVE to stop sometimes, as hard as that is to do. I told myself that this is not lasting, that soon the holidays will be over and the need for the baking and the wrapping and being surrounded by the people I love with be finished and I will be back to work, with no excuse to eat chocolate for breakfast.
And that the problems WILL get solved, they always do and that this break is well deserved.
And so, I closed my computer, and I put on my hat, and zipped up my coat and went down to surround myself with fluffy chicken bums and embrace the day and the peace of the season.