Remember that song “You’re so vain” ? i do. It runs through my head in moments of anxiety and panic. Moments when I think “are they talking about me”. Moments when I am filled with doubt and worry, and my confidence dips.
And then I shake my head and tell myself for the 3rd time that week; it probably isn’t even about me.
We all do this. Little glimmers of conversation enter our minds and we think “are they talking about me” Passive aggressive comments that make us ask ourself “what are they really trying to say”
But again, it’s not about you. At least, most of the time it’s not. Most of the time it is about them.
Not you.
Nothing to do with you. At all.
And this is that vicious circle we get ourselves into. We share, we doubt, we worry. And then we step back (hopefully) and rebuild.
And how great would it be if we just stopped the worrying. If we stopped thinking “is this about me?” Be it business, mothering, life managment. . . any of it. All we need to worry about is OUR path, OUR choices and be confident enough in those to sit back and embrace it.
And it IS hard, so very, very hard to remember that. So very difficult to walk away from the subtle comments and conversations, to remind ourselves that we are just fine as we are, and no, it isn’t really about us.
We women are such difficult creatures really. We can’t celebrate success in case we make others envious, but nor should directly ask for help, in case we are being pushy.
We judge and critique, and then support and nurture. We make offhand comments, not meant to hurt. . . no, that’s bull, those comments ARE meant to hurt.
We allow conversation, gossip, to exist without coming to our friends defence, and keep secrets, even when we know they will hurt people we care about.
We are vain, and egotistical and lack confidence in so many things.
We are. They are.
And so what do we do about it?
I am going to start by reminding myself that this isn’t about me. That the only actions I can control are mine. That I can choose daily to help or hinder, or build up or tear down. That by offering support or opportunity to another does not mean that I take it away from myself.
That I will get what I need, despite the fact that I share what I have.
And yes. Every day I will remind myself that this isn’t about me. I will no longer be that vain. I will go about my business taking responsibility for my life, and my choices, and pray and wish and hope that other women will do the same.
And, in turn. I will not make it about you.
Never fear, you can trust me on that.