For the last 3 years I have invested every part of myself into building a stable business and a fulfilled “lifestyle”  We moved homes,(cities actually), created 2 strong businesses (one for each hubby and me) and started everything new and fresh for our family.

I believe that what you put your focus on will succeed, and we focussed everything into life and business, and they have succeeded. But at a very real cost.

Spending all day working, and all the rest of the time “living” has taken a serious toll on my waistline, and fitness level.  I used to be able to work all day on outdoor projects, haul boulders and climb hills.  Now I get out of breath coming up from the chicken coop.

My boobs jiggle when I run (this has never happened, “Hello B-cup”) and every time I lean over there is a mass of fat I angrily call my “gunt” that prevents me from leaning as far as I want.

I no longer recognize my legs. At all. They are some one else’s legs, and I don’t know where mine went.

I am sure it is a combination of being 41, eating and drinking far too much, and not breaking a sweat for most of the days in the past 2 years.

I have felt it coming, and “tried” to motivate myself to actually DO something about it, but have continued to fall off the wagon.  But, I think now, this week, I have hit rock bottom.  Perhaps it was the fact that I needed to get reading glasses this week.  If I am going to be a 40-something-woman wearing reading glasses I damn well better have good legs.

Rock bottom is a sucky place to be in any situation, the only light being that you are finally ready to admit that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

And I am.  I am so done. I am over it. I want my body back, never perfect, but manageable. I want my health and my strength.  I want to never, ever see that “roll” again when I look in the mirror.

I have admitted that I can’t do this alone.  I need someone to hold me accountable, to force encourage me to exercise, to help challenge me to build muscle, and to keep my routine changed up.  If I go to the gym on my own I cheat, and I no longer have room (or time) to do that.

So, I have booked a personal trainer. 6 weeks, one day a week, to help ensure I get my arse out of the house each  Monday.  I am going to fitness classes because at least then I know I will have done my 60 minutes without obviously cheating.

And I am using some online communities to help me own up to my current situation, and to keep the motivation drip constant in mailbox.

I am going to sign up for the Hot Mama Fitness Body Smarts program, a 12 week program to help not only educate, but also motivate me to eat how I KNOW I should.

I have done two of Dai Manuels Whole Life Fitness Manifesto TRIBES where he leads us through daily blasts of 30min a day health and wellness. I think I might actually be closer to DOING IT, vs WATCHING it!  (if you want to join, it is FREE, just subscribe on the page).

And I am going to finally LOOK at that Grokker membership I have where I can download FREE exercise and yoga videos.

Oh, and I am going to hold MYSELF accountable.  I have to.  Otherwise it will be too late to come back from how far I have gone.

Rock bottom, and the only way is UP!