I don’t usually get all soft and squishy about silly little things. I am tough. Strong.
But this summer there just seem to have been too many changes. The time is going too fast, the kids are growing up so quickly I can’t catch them to hold them in for one more hug.
This past week, out of no where, I was hit hard in the feels.
My middle daughter is only 10 (well, 10 and a half according to her) We were buying fuzzy socks and sparkle t-shirts at the beginning of the summer, and I was still putting her hair up in pigtails. While I KNEW she was growing up, I wasn’t expecting it to sneak up like it did.
We did back to school shopping, and her stack was dark wash jeans, grey t-shirts and sports gear. Not a flash of pink to be seen.
But I handled that. I admired her choices, and sourced out more SIZE 8 shoes for her to try.
But then, we cleaned her room.
She has been a hoarder most of her life, bits of papers, toys, and keepsakes littered her space to the point she could hardly move. She needed a BIG PURGE, and so we gave it to her.
Normally this is a dramatic thing. She fights for her bits and pieces, holding tight to her childhood, but this time, she just let it all go.
The barbies, the toy horses. The colouring books, and collections from the years. All of it was bagged up and just “let go” of.
Today she is setting the toys up so she can take pictures and sell them, or pass them on. There is no emotional attachment for her, no nostalgia that she is experiencing.
As she says good bye to these memories, she is re-organizing her earrings, and asking about waxing her legs, and it has all gone too quickly for me.
I find myself patting down these old Barbies hair, tidying it up, wishing that perhaps she would ask me one more time to “Please put this outfit on her mommy” instead of snatching the doll back so she can close the lid on the final shoebox of items.
Our birthday gift requests are changing, just like the colours of shoes lining our hallways. Things are getting easier, and more complicated, and I am having a hard time keeping up with them. I love seeing them become who they are, but every now and then just want them to be my little girls. Even if just for a moment.
But, I too need to let them go, and so I hold back the feelings while they use the money from their toy sales to buy tweenager purchases, and instead of brushing a Barbies hair, I driving them to the movies.
I am letting them grow up.