To quote the Rolling Stones this morning, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need”
I’m not sure if I have ever shared with you the story of the BLUNTmoms. Not the “how it came to be” story, but the “what it was supposed to do story”
The moment it was born I had a goal for it, just like any parent would. It had to have a purpose, other than just creating stories on the internet, or becoming a tight knit community of amazing writers.
I was at the very beginning of my consulting career, and hadn’t even cracked the surface of what I am doing today, and in my mind BLUNTmoms was going to be a vehicle to help deliver what I needed to run my business.
See, for one crazy moment I thought “Wouldn’t it be great to bring a community of bloggers together who I could coach, and then they could be my champions”
It wasn’t that far out of the box, but there were a few ways I went wrong.
First of all, they became my people. My community. My friends, confidants and supporters. I have a hard time taking money from anyone, and with this group of “sisters” there was no way I could market to them.
Second, BLUNTmoms became my private place that I went to NOT talk about business. Every time I entered that group I felt I was surrounded by artists and creatives. It was my church and church and state do not mingle in my world.
And lastly, they taught me.
BLUNTmoms has opened my mind to a whole other “realm” of the blogging world that I never knew existed. Where the word is the goal, the impact the reward. Where stories are birthed in pain and fatigue and terror and secrets are shared. Where depth is required, and each sentence is cherished and respected.
The women involved in BLUNTmoms change my life every day. I still sometimes want her to “tow the line” and do what she was meant to do, but mostly I just sit back into her waters and let the words and the people soothe my soul.
When one of our Editors got this letter from a previously published guest author, I wanted to share. I want you to read it because maybe you will see what some people are doing something MORE than just sharing words. Sometimes the process of these stories is changing lives.
BLUNTmoms was supposed to be another asset of mine to bring in business. Thankfully she became something even more important to me, a catalyst for my own growth and change, and allowed me to see a purpose beyond anything tangible.
Read one story of how this happens.
“You know who she is, if you’re a blogger how could you not? Her blunt reputation precedes her and writers out there pee their pants a little at the thought of hitting that submit button knowing she is right there at the other end.
She is the Editor-in-Chief of the unabashed and extraordinary site, BLUNTmoms.
I have never met her. I don’t know what she looks like. I have never spoken with her on the phone. We’ve never exchanged witty texts (yes, I would even edit those before submitting) yet she has impacted my life so significantly, a day barely passes when I don’t think of her.
I had just started blogging, actually it was the first piece I ever considered submitting. I reached out to a respected and very knowledgeable blogger and asked if she would be willing to read my story and suggest where I might submit it. She contacted the editor of a site she felt would be a good fit for my piece and advised me Magnolia Ripkin would be in touch.
That’s the first time I ever heard the name Magnolia.
And so it began. So many things began.
I have kept every email/edit Magnolia and I exchanged about my piece. It was the most difficult thing I had written and my first time working with an editor. How fortunate was I to have Magnolia, not only as my first editor, but someone who protectively referred to my jumble of letters as “word babies”? I knew immediately my story had fallen into the right hands.
Like all stories of sexual abuse involving a father and daughter, it was violent, raw and unnerving. Written from a very difficult perspective through my abused, 5-year old self, “Pookie”, (my nickname from birth), Magnolia not only heard this sad little girl, but allowed her a voice to tell her story. There was never a suggestion to edit or stifle Pookie’s words.
Suffice it to say, without Magnolia’s expertise and compassionate insight, this story would never have been published, much less on a site the caliber of BLUNTmoms.
Magnolia’s edits were clear, concise and direct. These were just a few:
“I would take a fire axe to this bit and make a better transition to the point of the lighting.”
“This can go, it doesn’t make a point.”
“This entire paragraph is clunky and unnecessary, cut it.”
I soaked up her edits like a sponge.
I fell in love with her honesty, her non-mincing of words and her validation of me as a writer. No fluff, no concern for “feelings” – her concern, her job, was to help me craft my words into an invitation readers would anxiously accept.
At the end of each email/edit exchange, I always found traces of her heart.
“Thank you for trusting me with this piece. I will give you my best.”
“I feel that in agreeing to edit this, my responsibility was to help make it perfect, and to tell the story with maximum impact.”
“You are a hero. I am happy to act as a doula to your post.” (I had to ask her what a doula was )
She gifted me her encouragement, time and patience. She skillfully guided my brush strokes, masterfully allowing the soft pastel hues of hope to exquisitely illuminate the darkest, depressing shades of black I had chaotically stained my canvas with. When finished, it blended into a sublimely provocative masterpiece.
Isn’t that what we strive for as writers?
With so many pictures hanging in the gallery, for ours to be the one people linger on, contemplate; the one they just can’t seem to walk away from?
Magnolia is the artist.
Working with her is a gift; untie the ribbon and what’s inside is your writing at its best. Once completed, the blood, sweat and emotional tears that stain your pages, while not visible, are completely absorbed by the reader.
Her edits are life lessons. Be clear, be fair to others, don’t bullshit people they’ll always see through it, don’t waste people’s time, present your best self even if it means taking risks, stand for what you believe in. Life is short, don’t take yourself too seriously. Be hilarious, be visceral, be seductive, be brave but always be authentic.
How can a person you have never known in the traditional sense impact your life so profoundly?
I believe we are more than physical beings; we are myriad forms of energy transcending our physical boundaries; each of us possessing our own, unique current forever wending and winding through this magical realm in search of like connections.
I may never meet Magnolia in person and I have no misguided notion that I know her well, her world, her daily life, her relationships or even her hopes and dreams. I can say I know a part of her, a part of her that my heart, my spirit connects to. And that part of her, I love, I hold dear, and it will be a forever connection.
Lastly, I will share with you the moment I knew I loved her.
Having my story published was one of the most cathartic experiences of my life on so many levels. I wrote as Mary but with the courage and strength of Pookie. Magnolia provided a safe haven for my word babies to enter the world.
But that was not the moment.
The exact moment came when she emailed me to let know the piece had gone live on BLUNTmoms. The last words of that email read:
“All my love to you and Pookie. Magnolia.”
I cried when I read them, for someone I had never met was able to hear both voices telling one story.
Of the few friends and family who know my truth, she is the only one who understood and acknowledged the bravest and strongest part of me – Pookie.
We both wish Magnolia love, light, rainbows, sharp Crayola’s, splashing in puddles, twirling barefoot and the perpetual joy of those fairy dust moments only experienced when seeing the world through a child’s eyes.
We are grateful and honored to have Magnolia, our doula, in our lives and hearts – now and forever.”
I know what we are doing at BLUNTmoms is more than sharing stories. And each time you take a moment to read or write something, please know that it can make an impact. It is more than just words on a page. Take a moment and read the article that Magnolia Ripkin worked so tirelessly on. Take a moment to understand what we are really doing here.