We were back in “the city” this weekend. A quick turnaround trip so my eldest could attend her friends birthday party and then to drop the girls with my parents for a little holiday.

Quick, like 30hrs quick.

It was full of connecting with friends, catching up and sharing stories. And for me, it felt different this time.  As I approached our old neighborhood I didn’t feel the anxiety I used to feel. I felt relief, and a release. It was no longer my home, not physically or emotionally.  I was done. I was over it.

And I looked around and felt the “rush” of people. Running to get groceries. Running to get gas. Running the kids here and there. This fast, hectic pace.

And I meandered my way through, carrying my big St. Lucia Basket, filled with wine and treats and fresh flowers for my friends.

And I felt blessed and lucky to be somewhere else.

But the biggest difference?

How I was with the girls.  I had to remind myself to keep them close in this “scary city”  There was no “wait for me here” while I popped in for some snacks. I started to see the chaos around us, and realize how easy it is to lose them in there.

And yes, that is a literal and figurative realization.

Lose them to the mall, the movies, and all the distractions that come with where we were.

And when they asked me “can we go back home now mom” I felt relief.

They didn’t want to get lost to it either.